Saturday, August 24, 2013

Just need to say...

Maybe my biggest problem is that I can't imagine why anyone would not be interested in a relationship with me. So, there was a set back. Does that mean that you just throw me out?
Still in shock about this.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Easier said than done

So. ...I have to tell myself all day every day to snap out of it. I do realize that I'm not mooning over what was. I'm actually mourning over what I wish we'd built together.

I also recognize that I was the only one in that "relationship" that wanted more even though things were far from perfect. I was willing to try to work on the things that weren't great because he had enough of the things that were good. The Almighty knew this wasn't right. Things worked out as they should have in the end.

It doesn't make being alone AGAIN any easier. But now I can be honest with myself. I wasn't the "hit it and quit it" type before, and I'm still not. I am the relationship kind of chick. I don't want to grow old alone. I want a partner who will be my best friend. He will love my saggy titties (or pay for new ones). He will enjoy eating my cat. He will know exactly what the hell he's doing, and he will be patient as he teaches me how to do the same for him.  He will want to work out WITH me. He will want to spend time talking to me. He will want to lighten my load if he can, and he will accept my help where I can. He will initiate a friendship with my boys. He will NOT run away when things get hard, but he will work through it WITH me.

I have to hold on to the faith that She has the perfect man in mind for me, and that She has been preparing him at the same time that She has been preparing me. I need a man in my life, but not just any man. I need The man that She has intended for me. 

God grant me the ability to see him when he arrives. And give me the right words when I see him. And, if it's not asking too much, please let him come soon.

Monday, August 12, 2013

So.... it's over

So, after I did what I did, Mr.P has not called at all. He stopped by and showed Noah how to work the mower he brought by. And then he left without a word to me. Today, through text messages he said he was going through some things and that he's always my friend. What the hell is that? I'll tell you what it is. I was looking for more in the relationship than he was. Too old to be playing this game with him or any other man. I want someone to grow old with, not a "hanging" partner.
So... letting go in 5, 4, 3...2... and 1.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Humble Pie

Tonight, I'm letting Beringer's Moscato keep me company.

 I did something terrible.  Something that a 44 year old woman should know better than to do.  I shared something about my relationship with a friend instead of talking about it with Mr.P. I know how he feels about that, and for at least that reason, I should have not done that.

I tried to apologize for that, but I don't think he's at all interested in my apology or anything else.  I can't help but to think that he's not interested in building a relationship with me. If one mistake can send him away like this, I think it's pretty clear that he's not as invested as I need him to be.

So... long story made short: letting go in 5...4...3...2... go...