So. ...I have to tell myself all day every day to snap out of it. I do realize that I'm not mooning over what was. I'm actually mourning over what I wish we'd built together.
I also recognize that I was the only one in that "relationship" that wanted more even though things were far from perfect. I was willing to try to work on the things that weren't great because he had enough of the things that were good. The Almighty knew this wasn't right. Things worked out as they should have in the end.
It doesn't make being alone AGAIN any easier. But now I can be honest with myself. I wasn't the "hit it and quit it" type before, and I'm still not. I am the relationship kind of chick. I don't want to grow old alone. I want a partner who will be my best friend. He will love my saggy titties (or pay for new ones). He will enjoy eating my cat. He will know exactly what the hell he's doing, and he will be patient as he teaches me how to do the same for him. He will want to work out WITH me. He will want to spend time talking to me. He will want to lighten my load if he can, and he will accept my help where I can. He will initiate a friendship with my boys. He will NOT run away when things get hard, but he will work through it WITH me.
I have to hold on to the faith that She has the perfect man in mind for me, and that She has been preparing him at the same time that She has been preparing me. I need a man in my life, but not just any man. I need The man that She has intended for me.
God grant me the ability to see him when he arrives. And give me the right words when I see him. And, if it's not asking too much, please let him come soon.